Monday, November 2, 2009

My Old Foe, Death





Death is a cagey bastard. It rarely comes right at you and if it does, it does so at lightning speed. It has a way of showing disinterest until it creeps from the shadows and coddles you into it’s clutches. I choose to search it out, keeping my enemy close, the better to keep an eye on it. It has a need to be in control and that is the battle I choose.




I walk through fields of amber and grey
boot heavy and heart full
all jangle and beat
in search of one who feigns
and waves along
with nonchalance

a foe I wish to draw near.

my life falls heavy
upon my chest
in anchored breath
of heated sorrow
and wasted want

He
bare and Poseidon-like,
a back of brass and iron.
banded arms in lock formation
jeweled in blood and blight
as emerald and ruby
these eyes of hardened deceit.

echo this,
echo I
hollow made thus
erringly so
you of yesteryear and forever.

but yet, I call
approach
challenge
yea,
even demand
to one who flicks
the ash of man
across the chessboard
of who dare?
I dare

I search you
yes,
in hunt of red October
and dip my fingers
to the depth
of your despair
in beleaguered plea
of selfish surrender.

I spy not
the whiskers of your age
nor the grain
of your youth
but the stench of your choice
I discern
in these fields
of inglorious restitution

and my eyes glint
as my tongue clears the scabbard
of notched forlorn

but you whisper goodbye
and trace
to the whisper of your
disappearance
the magic
in the chicanery
of your choosing

and once more, you have greased my grasp
with your laughter.

sheath full
of dull worn edge
boot heavy
with rusted jangle
and heart weary
yet alert,
watching
narrow eyed
to the shadows
that chase
along the edge
I plod on

knowing

when cease I to hunt you
your cutlass shall claim my blood
in chains
of sullen embrace.

~rick


33 comments:

Woman in a Window said...

My life (in relationship to death) can be divided into a few distinct sections, so far. First, of course, innocence, but that ended abruptly when my father died when I was five. Then I tried to look death in the eye, tried to stare it down, tried to lop off its head with a shovel as I beheaded hundreds of snakes in the warm summer sun. That lasted a good long while. Not a healthy place to be but understandable. Lasted until I became a mother, and then I feared death. I held that fear around me like an old bally sweater. And then there is now. It lives beside me. I'm here. It's there. And from time to time we'll meet and have tea. It'll stain me. I will drink it. And the day will pass on.

"my life falls heavy
upon my chest
in anchored breath"
Shit. That's good!

Your writing gets better and better. It is timeless, you know.

Dulce said...

That IS an Ode to a cruellest enemy, yet most faithful companion...

Greatly written Nick dear. Your choice of words astound me.
Dulce
***

Karen said...

I can feel the pain and anger and power in this one. There's a rawness in the hunting, challenging and knowing the frustration of losing this slippery foe who is ultimately in control.

Many lines strike me in this, but these especially feel as if they tell the whole story:

my life falls heavy
upon my chest
in anchored breath
of heated sorrow
and wasted want

These lines are chilling. Wish it weren't so:

when cease I to hunt you
your cutlass shall claim my blood
in chains
of sullen embrace.

Powerful stuff, Rick.

Snowbrush said...

"Giving a blog award to me is akin to giving O.J. Simpson an Academy Award for his work in Towering Inferno. It would just make everyone else's a joke."

Why pick on yourself, particularly, as being unworthy? Some of the worst blogs, literarily speaking, have the most awards.

I could see Obama refusing the Nobel Peace Award, and I wish he had since the award has been dishonored, I believe, by granting it on the basis of promise rather than achievement.

But these blog awards are as much a statement of affection as they are a reward for outstanding achievement. They are given to individuals by individuals, with one person sometimes sending the same award to 20 others. I used to get them and file them away. I never put them on my blog, not because I felt unworthy but because I prefer an uncluttered look to my blog. I just think of them as like exchanging greeting cards in that, if they're fun for you, go for it. Surely, no one takes them terribly seriously, at least not as markers of great achievement.

starrlife said...

Perfect for this time of year. I love this piece! Haunting....

findingmywingsinlife said...

This is very good Rick! But I wonder sometimes, why should death be the foe? Is it possible that death is merely a transition to something else and is that something else neccessarily a bad thing? Don't mind me, I'm just thinking and rambling on as usual.

I did love the conviction, the sureity of courage shielding the fear of facing the face and saying "I dare you to take the breath I love so much from me." and hearing the face's silent echo of "in time" as it slips away from your view.

Shadow said...

these are angry and powerful words, rikkij! and i love them. i love the dark side as much as you, though to seek death... damn, maybe not. he doesn't give answers, he's totally unfair, he's painful and hurtful. no, him i prefer to ignore until he goes away.

Marion said...

Rick, I like how you personified Death. This line twisted my heart, but I understand it 100% and then some:

"my life falls heavy
upon my chest
in anchored breath
of heated sorrow
and wasted want"

Epictetus had a mind-blowing line which came to my mind when I finished reading your poem:

"Thou art a little spirit bearing up a corpse."

I could mirror a lot of what Erin said. I became acquainted with Mr. Death too early at age 5 with my father's unexpected death. Death stole my peace of mind and my childhood. I got up nightly for years to see if my mother was breathing. Living in fear is worse than death. It sucks the color out of everything...Then came the two double funerals of my cousins killed by a drunk driver while coming home for Christmas when I was 8. That pretty much put a pall on Christmas for the rest of my life. I still hate that time of year because there's that nagging horror still buried in my childhood psyche. Two of the cousins were under the age of three, so I suddenly realized that it wasn't just old people who died. Too many nights I pray for Death to swoop me away in my sleep---to end my painful existence. And I don't mean emotional pain, I'm talking the hard core physical shit I'm living with daily. But I carry on, as you do, as we all do and continue to have secret, whispered, forbidden conversations with Mr. Death... Hang in there, Rick. We need you!

Blessings, Love and Peace, my dear & precious poet-friend....

Wine and Words said...

"and once more, you have greased my grasp"

Aside from the fact that this was wonderfully written (what of you isn't?)...oh how it drew me in!

The problem with keeping your enemies close...is the taint by association. It is far more difficult to stand aside evil than to fall to it's cost. Beware when the grease lies in your grasp on original intent, and what once you held in side long glance, now reflects in both your pupils. I speak from experience here. Death wore a pushup bra and it's name was Patty.

Sophia said...

(((((((Rikki)))))))

"but you whisper goodbye
and trace
to the whisper of your
disappearance
the magic
in the chicanery
of your choosing"

These words stick out the most to me....I felt such a strong, powerful anger welling up within this work....yet, some deep searching and understanding of why life is what it is....maybe I'm off...maybe I'm seeing myself in this...I don't know. But wow....powerful!

TheChicGeek said...

Rick, so powerful! Your words, "my life falls heavy upon my chest
in anchored breath
of heated sorrow
and wasted want," hauntingly beautiful and sad. I really love this one!
What a gift you have given us today.
Thank you!
Hugs to You :)
Kelly

Brosreview said...

Oh yes, I can feel the anguish in this one! Keep writing mate!

Nevine said...

I am afraid of death. I try to overcome my fear but I can't. I read something like your poem and I feel like you know it so well, and I have to ask myself, How? And I also wonder how you can duel with death so smugly, and egg it on like so? I will tell you that I feel a little empowered after reading this. Maybe, if you can challenge death like this, I can too. I'm a bit chilled by this, but sometimes reality is chilling.

Nevine

Alexandra Garland said...

Rick,
It's smart to keep the enemy close... Powerful words!
I think most of us don't think about death. I don't give it my attention as there is life to be lived instead...
Very interesting view!
-Alex

Rikkij said...

Thank you all, for coming by. I must clarify; this is not about me. totally ficticious. I admire one who might stalk and challenge death but I haven't got the stones for it. I do keep an eye on it and watch it over my shoulder. Truth is, I just enjoyed writing it. my way of flinging a stone it's way.
Dulce-hmmm..Nick. I like that. if we're making up names, can my last name be Spade? Yeah, Nick Spade.
~rick

SarahA said...

Strong and thought provoking, you.
I am thinking the 'keeping your friends close and your enemies closer' very true.I will always keep one eye open in my sleep!
'my life falls heavy
upon my chest
in anchored breath
of heated sorrow
and wasted want' my fav of the whole and there is a such a gentle flow through all your words,that makes the read silky smooth.

Shadow said...

hey! there's something for you to read on my side...

Inky said...

Now i know what Shadow meant at the end of her post "unknowing" Gosh this spooked me , I fear death, esp now I am older, I know it has to be but since I am a mother I fear it more, I want to live to watch them grow and have kids I can love and watch them grow.

Scary but its flowing, enjoyable,


"my life falls heavy
upon my chest
in anchored breath
of heated sorrow
and wasted want"

ONE WORD
DAYUM

A Cuban In London said...

Absolutely genius, mate! It's got chutzpah and defiance: 'I spy not
the whiskers of your age
nor the grain
of your youth
but the stench of your choice'. That's some serious statement you're making there, man. Great craic.

Greetings from London.

Dulce said...

You mean a Spade to dig? Or a spade of cards?
Oh my!!! Wasn't my intention to be so clear! I mean it's there... bloody hell!
I prefer you remain just RICK, right?

fullonmommy said...

The "back of brass and iron?"...yes! Totally how I see "it" or "him" or whatever...so hard, so cold, like the world's worst basement. Looking me in the eye, taunting me. Always, always holding the ball.
But, all said, I'm pretty sure I'd fight it to the bitter end.
Awesome read. Gorgeous actually.

Rikkij said...

Shadow- still trying to figure out what you're up to.
Inky-is that a word?
Dulce-I'll be Nick Spade, the moody writer in the corner booth.
Cuban-thanks-that's my favorite line.
Lynn-figured you'd get it and you did.
Saraha- Love you, Girl! thanks for being here.
~rick

Char said...

Wonderful read, Rick. I am glad you commented that it was not you. I fear death, but wish I could find a way to come to terms with my own. ((hugs))

Marion said...

Rick, isn't it funny how everything we post, our "peeps" take so personally? (Okay, I do it too...and often! LOL!) I laughed my ass off at our Annie's comment, "Death wears a push-up bra and it's name is Patty." Is that not worth a million freaking dollars, that one line???? It demands a back story, no? Or would that be a 'front' story??? I love you and so appreciate your beautiful spirit, soul and heart. I'm battling with insomnia (Ambien's a joke---but I may not remember being here tomorrow! Ha!) and am sitting here near 3 a.m., but enjoying the quiet. Except the cats think it's party time because I'm up and are swatting the keyboard and chasing the cursor, purring all the while. (Hubby wants me to give away my fur kids because they've been bad cats, but I'm giving him a piece of my mind about that.) Ya gotta have somebody to love you back that can purr real loud and until humans learn to purr, by God, I'll have cats. HE can go and take his stupid DOG! Not really, but that's what I told him in my fish-wife voice. Tee-Hee. That gets him running around closing windows so the neighbors can't hear him getting his ass chewed. As if they don't already know I'm a loud-mouthed country girl!!! Okay, I'm gonna try to go back to bed. Blessings, my precious poet-friend. Oh, and tea is 2 teaspoons of mixture and 8 ounces of hot water. Mix and stir. Drink. LOL!

LDWatkins said...

Powerful, Rick. Will you ever put them all together in a book for us?

Inky said...

yes rick its a cyber word for Damm or meant to sound like Dammmmmm mmmmmm lol
have a great weekend. peace and happiness

Rikkij said...

Marion- Thanks, Sweetie. Funny stuff and yes, what would we do without our Annie and her monkey slaps. Next week, don't forget about the taking things personal comment. My next piece worries me of my southern friends like you and LD. just remember it's all in good fun. (gulp)
Ld-thanks, read above
Inkster-back atcha. stay warm
~rick

Marja said...

An impressive powerful magnificent poem. I can imagen why you are feeling these things. I feel guilty to say that I believe that things come in our live because we need to grow. Our souls need the hardship to go to a higher level. I know that doesn't help you right now. I am convinced that our souls are inmortal and connected to the ones you love so you will be surprised one day. Sorry I am not good at this. Hope you don't think I am crazy

Rikkij said...

Marja- I think you beautiful and your comment wonderful. Thank you. ~rick

PurestGreen said...

"jangle and beat" and "greased my grasp with your laughter" - those were my favourites.

It scared me a little.

TheChicGeek said...

Hi Rick :)
Just came by to say a quick hello...thinking of you and wishing you well!
Hugs :)
Kelly

Rikkij said...

Hi PG! how's the Queen these days?
Thanks for the drop by, Kelly
~rick

The Things We Carried said...

and dip my fingers
to the depth
of your despair

Rick, many, many things, of late do I avoid, but your writing never!

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